Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Moving is such a pain!

So, through no falt of my own I'm again being forced to move. Four years ago it was because my husband left me, and kept violating the restraining orders, leaving me in complete ruin and then some. Now it's because my sister-in-law is losing the house because she refuses to take life seriously.

So, I'm packing, have been now for a little bit because regardless of what I might want, I'd be homeless again in two months anyway. Well, truthfully I can't really call this home, haven't for more than a year, since legally, I've been living in Colorado since last October. I've just been visiting Jersey. Now, it's time to leave here for good, never to return. So that's kinda, well, I don't know, depressing on so many levels.

So, I've been packing, again. I'm also just throwing out lots of stuff too. Becuase of the sick world we live in, I'm spending time, lots of it of late, shredding things that I neither need, nor want. Cause if I don't, some idiot may go through my garbage and grab account numbers or other personal information and steal my identity. No, I'm not paranoid, just realistic.

I've had to change my identity one more time than I'd have liked to already, I don't want to have to go through that again! Anyway, I hate packing!

Grr. Hates packing, Hates it for ever!
Grr. Hates moving, hates it forever too!

Monday, February 04, 2008

I hate being broken...

So I'm watching one of my favorite movies of all time; "Pretty Woman"

I love this movie, I always have, since long before I met Earl.

There is a part toward the end where the Lawyer get's violent with Julia Roberts, and now, since Earl, I can't really watch that. Brings back horrific memories, pain, the things I've lived through. Not just memories, flashbacks. Painful, horrific, flashbacks of my so called life with Earl.

Oh my God, the Giant's win the superbowl!!!

Yesterday was the first Superbowl party I've been to since 2003 when Earl was so sick. It was also the first Superbowl that I've ever hung out in front of the TV with everyone else. It was the first and only football game that I've seen from start to finish. It was also the first Superbowl party I've attended without Earl.

For over a decade, the Superbowl was a big thing. Earl was a rabid football fan. He was also an insane Giant's fans. He readily admited that the Giant's were most known for being able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. They'd be winning soundly, the two minute warning would sound, and they'd get destroyed. Toast, their lead would vanish, and they'd lose by a heartbreaking margin.

Earl would go to Giant's games in the kind of weather dogs won't go out in. He'd sit in the cold, rain, sleet, snow, and all kinds of hideousness just to support HIS team. He was the postmaster of TEAM suport. He loved his team, no matter how badly they did and he could make all the comment's about the team he wanted, but if someone else did, they were dead meat on the hoof.

When I found out that they'd survived the playoff's and were IN the Superbowl I broke down crying. His Gaint's finally make it to the Superbowl, THE BIG game, and he was just as dead. Two year's dead and gone. If he was still alive he'd have mortaged the house, even his soul, to be able to go to Phoenix yesterday. He'd have walked, crawled if he couldn't walk, or even pulled himself hand over hand from the east coast if he couldn't crawl.

I felt like I had to watch for him. Against all odds, cheer on his team, and pray for the best.

Two minute mark came, the Pat's were driving hard, and looked like they were toast. I was actually screaming at the TV, "Come on boy's, DO SOMETHING! Snatch VICTORY from the jaws of defeat!!! You can do it!"

Then at the 35 second mark, the MVP of the game, Eli Manning took a shot, and John Burress was there!!! Oh my God, the Giant's were seconds away from winning the Superbowl. There was so little time on the clock I didn't think even they could screw it up! I managed to keep from losing it in hysterical tears, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crying.

It's outside the scope of my abilities to go into all the details, all the football stuff, cause to be honest I know almost nothing about football. I surprised myself last night by how much I'd picked up from Earl all those years. I had more than a general idea of what was going on, knew what they had to do, much of what was happening.

It was a thrilling, amazing, powerful, moving ride! I honestly wish Earl had lived to see this shining moment, HIS GIANTS won the Superbowl in one of the most amazing upsets in the history of the game. New England came in with a perfect season, undefeated, unscathed, and the worldwide favorite to take the Superbowl easily.

I was cheering my late husband's GIANTS, they'd come this far against all odds, distingushing themselves as the Road team of the year. They really shined on away games. I didn't care what the odds were, how they'd played, or even their long standing ability to lose a game they were winning. They were Earl's team, and as much pain as he'd put me through, I still love him to this day and wanted to see his team win.

And win they did! It was amazing!!!