Monday, April 25, 2005

About children . . .

So back in September of 2004 9/25/04 I wrote about children and not rushing. The issues I mentioned then notwithstanding I have another obstacle standing between me and possible offspring. Fertility! I've been on HRT now long enough that the chances of being able to have children have probably vanished. Estrogen alone has a significant effect on sperm production and will reduce output, combined with Spiro, well I'd say even if I stopped now (which would probably result in my death) there's little chance I'd be able to do much.

Quite honestly I'm at the point that HRT is keeping me alive and stable mentally and emotionally. I KNOW myself, I remember what life was like before HRT, what I could handle, how I felt and dealt with those feelings. The problems I have in my life now are SO MUCH worse than anything I went through back before HRT and I was too close to suicide back then.

In other news, my lawyer has given me the okay to increase pressure on the creatures responsible for the madness and mayhem in my life. I'm starting with a letter to Earl, from there it is going to get very, very ugly for them. I hate that I have to resort to this, hate that I'm going to have to start acting like the "trailer trash" they have claimed from day one that I am, and hate having to go on the offensive intentionally taking steps that I KNOW will cause all three of them pain.

My letter to Earl was simple, a vague warning to instruct his lawyer to settle in the most general terms. In thinking about it as I write this I'm going to send a carefully worded letter to his parents too. It will come as a complete shock to them, and probably make me even less popular than I already am. Well it sucks to be them I guess. I'm even likely to send the letters to someone on my list of people who are close to them with a plea to have them take it seriously.

I'm getting closer I think to ready to start putting serious effort into my first book. I was reminded today of my dreams for a wedding and how much it meant to me. I'm a romantic at heart and had, HAVE this dream for a wedding that I think is going to be a perfect start to the book. Now that I know how it's going to start, and end, it's going to be much easier to write the whole thing.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Now this is getting interesting . . .

So time ago I start working on a serious transition and after months of herbals and patches that for me were only marginally effective I started on sublingual tablets and a blocker. My plan was to take things slowly and work my way up to "standard" TS doses over the course of a year or more. I wanted to give my body the opportunity to change and adjust to the switch from the minor amounts of Testosterone I had, to being primarily Estrogen based. The begining of April I stepped up the the next logical dosage on my list a bit earlier than I'd originally planed but based on the way my system was responding I didn't see any possible problems.

What I experienced however was a major surprise and has me seriously wondering. First for those who don't know, the "standard" feminizing dose of Estrogen for a TS woman is in the range of 2-8mgs a day with 100-300mgs of blocker. I'm on dramatically less than this, and in less time, I'm already having sgnificant growth in all areas. My hips, butt, breasts and even face are starting to change, and while I love it, I'm very pleasantly surprised.

Without question I have serious growth going on, what I do not understand is how? Such a small dose and yet this? One of these days I'll be able to get to a doctor and get some bloods run to know for certain what's going on. My personal hunch is that I'm intersexed or something close. Would have been nice to have before HRT bloods run to know for certain, but extrapolating back from whatever I find when I do get them tested I'll know more.