Sunday, January 29, 2006

Like I needed another test to tell me something I already knew . . .

So I'm a total girlie girl (Duh!) but this is yet another test that has different questions, but comes up with the same result.

You Are a Total Girlie Girl

You love looking good, and wooing men with your womanly ways.
You're so feminine, men are in awe of you ... which is a very good thing.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Mental Illness and medications

Okay, so as if having a birth defect isn't bad enough, more than plenty to deal with, I'm dealing with the specter of having a brain that is actually a bit off. Now I've not been formally diagnosed as bipolar, but I'm on meds that treat it and they seem to be helping. Having a "mood disorder" whatever it may be named is something like "emtional epilepsy" periodically the brain just kinda jumps track and starts playing tricks on one. Trust me it is NOT anything close to fun.

Inherited, learned, or the result of too many years of abuse is anyone's guess, but the simple fact is I'm NOT enjoying this, or the realization that I may needs meds for the rest of my life. I can hear some regular readers of my site thinking, what the frell is she talking about? She's going to be on meds for the rest of her life anyway? Sure, this is true, correction of my wonderful birth defect involves a lifetime supply of meds, so what are a couple more? Well honestly I don't know, but somehow having to take meds everyday to prevent your own mind from betraying you is a touch hard to deal with.

Betrayal, something I have had way too much experience with in my life, and something I'd hoped to put behind me. Sure, simple enough it is to isolate oneself from people that can hurt you. Trivial really for those who like the life of a hermit, just don't go anywhere, do anything, or talk to anyone. Done. So what to do when periodically the whole world goes wonky and your left wanting to die to get away from the pain? You take meds thats what, because while all the external pressors in your life remain the same, and you're living exactly the same life you were, it becomes more or less alien to you. The only way back is to re-balance brain chemistry to something easier to live with, hence medication.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

Wow, somewhat had to believe that 2005 is gone, and it's now 2006!!! It is my great hope that 2006 is a MUCH better year for everyone. I've certainly had enough negativity and pain to last me several lifetimes, and honestly I seriously doubt I deserved it!