Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Spoon Theory

So, there are days, and then there are days. Some are diamonds, others are stones. There are times, when the hard times, and people won't leave you alone. Living with any kind of chronic illness is, how shall I say, less than fun maybe?

Christine Miserandino is, unfortunately, someone who understands way, way to well what it's all about. She wrote the Spoon Theory and I think everyone, regardless of their condition, health, whatever should read her wonderful piece and find in themselves some understanding. Compassion, sympathy, empathy are, or should be, family values. More of those, and a bit slower pace in life are important and frankly vital to all people, regardless of health, all over the world.

I took my health for granted for so many years, pushed myself faster and further than anyone of either gender, just to try and find acceptance, understanding, a bit of validation and love. What I took too long to find were these values, these feelings, in myself. Now that I have, maybe I'll lucky enough to find someone else in my life to share it, and myself with. I've also figured out that I must separate myself from the overly fast pace of life. Too much for too long, and so I'm running with limitations I never had before, and have to take these into account. Yeah, I may not always look sick, but appearances can be, and usually are quite deceiving.

I did the whole dramatically unbalanced thing for way, way too long, spread myself so thin that I crashed and burned. I've become close friends with a hot water bottles, anti-depressants, heating pads, and the limitations and impact that all of this has on my life. I live each day wanting to do so much more than I can now. I am, for the first time ever focused on my own health, my own life. Day by day, spoon by spoon, I'm working on healing and growth and this for me is a fulltime career.

Strange having a job that involves dealing with my own needs and health. From making over a 100K a year, to being on disability and having to work within my limitations on growth. Not fun, but what I've learned, am learning, is amazing and scary all at once. What it says about the world in which we live, and try to survive, is even more astonishing.

So, for the moment, take a look at the Spoon Theory, you'll be glad you did.

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