Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Avoiding Hypomanic or worse episodes . . .

Today was interesting, got honestly a frightening amount of work done in so little time, and when presented with one more opportunity to get something else cool done I decided to call it a day. I had this sudden flash of doing too much in a single day, getting too wound up, and the inevitable crash that would follow. Wisdom being the better part of valor I thought maybe NOT going that one step further would be smart, call it a day and miss the crash waiting.

I found myself responding to a "trigger" and taking preventive measures almost as an automatic thing. What's odd about this all is that I have memories of things I don't know that I ever experienced, deep feelings, that reasonate so strongly I have to wonder about what I've "erased" from my own past. So in any case, here I am having these feelings, and taking steps to prevent getting myself in trouble so to speak as if I spent years learning to deal with something that I didn't know I had.

Talk about circular logic . . . I find it interesting as a Hypno and Behavioral Therapist that I have all sorts of "programmed responces" and memories of a condition I have no direct knowledge of having had. Worse yet, based on the memories I do have access to, and the time frames involved there's no way it could have been diagnosed at the time. Yet here I sit, finding myself taking corrective measures to prevent problems I shouldn't have in the first place.

Typically, such "embeded" behavior is a result of finding triggers and "planting" alternative behavior such that when the trigger fires, the alternative behavior is the result. Very much the way the brain normally learns, however this is operator controlled programming. Really in a nutshell, the related disciplines are used together to achieve a desired result.

For example, I treated someone for a horrible condition that made eating with them a chore, and could without warning make them pysically ill if certain conditions were met. In simpler terms, anytime a metal utensil touched another piece of metal, ceramics, or even teeth, this person would wind up mildly to significantly ill. Wouldn't even be something you or I could hear or sense, for this person however something happening at another table in a resturant could and would set them off. Meals became a chore, and quite often this person would leave the table meal unfinsihed. Those of us around this perosn would suffer constant warnings, and then the guilt if we missed and something touched something else that shouldn't. Try eating someday without the metal touching anything but the food some day and you'll see how hard it is.

Since I knew what the triggers were, and the resulting behavoir if they "fired" it was a farily simple matter to write a session that would take those triggers on turn them inward, to a positive result each time they fired. The result, after a five minute hypnotherapy session nearly 40 years of pain and suffering came to a sudden almost anticlimactic end for a whole bunch of people!

So, knowing this can be the case as I do, I find it interesting to come across obvious "programming" like this in my own life. When I was a child, allopathic medicine was nothing compared to what it is now, and quite honestly it's nothing to write home about now. Yes, huge strides forward have been made, but there is still so much that cannot be dealt with, or there's no money available to work on given conditions. People go on suffering because they do not get taken seriously. Yet here I am with advanced "programming/learned behavoir" for something I don't recall having . . .

Depression is something I have huge amounts of experience with, and at times in the past has had me seriously considering checking out to simply stop the pain. You know it cannot be good as a child to go to bed thinking "I'll be better off if I just don't wake up" and when you do anyway, trying to come up with the best possible way to "leave." People who attempt suicide more often than not do not really want to die, but know of no other way to ask for help.

People who kill themselves on the other hand have burned up all hope, and just want the pain to stop! I know, I've been there time and again in the past and it is NOT weekness, quite the opposite it takes great strength and determination to take your own life. After years or even decades of trying to get someone to take you seriously and give you a hand, taking one's own life is FINALLY someone doing something. It's making the best you can with what you have to work with. Deprived of help, communications (real communications, not some dope talking down to you saying that it's going to be all right in time and you just have to wait.) or any meaningful support or control, this last great step is a persons way of saying ENOUGH!!! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!! You will not help make this stop, relieve in some meaningful fashion, the pain I am in! So, I WILL make it all stop in the only way I know how!

So I've been depressed, and it's lasted for weeks, once even several months at a time. However I've always somehow managed to make it, or on a nuber of occasions get thelp, real help from folks I could and did trust... More to follow... Okay, so this got really long in a hurry, but I was tired, afterall it was nearly 3 in the morning and I'd just finished playing five games of backgammon and I somehow managed to win four of them... Go figure!

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