Monday, October 24, 2005

Blogspam?!?!? Really what is the world coming to?

Take a look at the comments for Just for the record . . . I mean really? How desperate, or stupid can people be anyway??? That's just pathetic, spamming someone's blog?

Chris Crain is some kind of serious NUT!!!

Chris Crain is some kind of serious NUT!!! I mean really, some of the things that come out of his mouth make me want to lobby to have his membership card REVOKED! Membership to what? GLBT activism? ENDA activism? Nope, these are minor memberships compared to what I think should happen; his membership to the human race should be revoked!!! Shut this moron up once and for all, vote to have Chris Crain FIRED. Executive Editor my arse, he's a sensationalist soapbox speaker who likes to hear himself talk or see his particular brand of narish in print. He's a bigot of the worst kind, picks and chooses whom he approves of and damn the rest.

Last year he slammed the Trans community for hijacking ENDA?"ENDA gets trans-jacked" Really, then why is it that the HATE CRIMES bill passed a part of congress it never managed before? Larger cross section of effected constituents! More voters to risk pissing off, thus it went through.

Now he's back beating up on Tran folk AGAIN in "Trans or bust""‘Trans or bust’ is still a bust" which is so full of misinformation and outright stupidity that I'm amazed he hasn't been fired yet!

I've been a self proclaimed "Lesbian Trapped in a Man's body" my whole life which in two years when I FINALLY have corrective surgery will put me square in the cross hairs of any number of ignorant bigots like Chris. Sure I'm part of his protected class of people because I prefer women, or did, which now puts me right in the middle of the Bi demographic.

Great, so he's okay with me because I'm BI and thus entitled to protections he feels strongly about? WooHoo!!! Happy days are here again Chris Crain is okay with me because I'm part of a group whose rights get trampled and violated . . . . . . or am I?

I am also a Trans woman, which means I'm entitled to be picked on an excluded because I'm Trans? So which is it? Figures a man would come up with rules like that, I mean really all that testosterone just POISONS otherwise healthy minds with exclusive, competitive thinking. He should probably start on a detox program to help him beat back the "T" monster. Either that, or just adjust his balance some so that he understands the value of INCLUSION!!!

I used in the writing of this small words whenever possible, and kept the concepts simple so Chris Crain might have a better chance of understanding. His arguments are those of a sixth grader, so I’ve kept things simple . . .

Pity really, the “Free Press” has become anything but when idiots like Chris spew intolerant, discriminatory garbage and yet no-one is allowed to disagree with him. Ironically “Freedom of Press” USED to be a protected right, now it’s used as a weapon, controlled by folks with more money than brains, more attitude than compassion and more control than any dictatorial regime! Ooops, sorry Chris, “dictatorial regime” is over your head so I’ll dumb it down for you; the phrase refers to Tyrants who feel that they have the right to control everything and everyone and NO-ONE has any rights!

Friday, October 21, 2005

A piece from my 2005 diary.

So as I'm laying here trying to get off to sleep holding Jesse close I cannot help but think about how badly I want to be the one being held close. I think back to all those years ago trying to reach a compromise with Eral to hold him the way I wanted to be held, to love him the way I wanted to be loved and find some kind of balance. He wouldn't have anything to do with working together, to compromise in ourlife together. He is, in retrospect, one of the most supremely selfish people I've ever met. Me, I'm left to pick up the pieces of a life built on honesty of a sort, much hard work, ansd more pain than anyone person should have to endure.

I find myself in the dark longing for arms around me, the feel of my husbands body close to mine, the heat, the hard softness, the passion of someone's touch who loves me. I find myself wondering if I'll ever marry at this point and how I could bear to be with someone who's so different from me, a different dialect of the same language to screw things up more and a heart and mind wired so differently as to confound my abilities to understand.

I curse myselffor these desires because in spite of all the harm they have brought me in this life and others I am still attracted to men. My flesh betrays my heart and soul. My need for something like a normal relationship, warts and all, can rob me of a connection to a heart and mind I can really relat to, really share myself and my body with.

Is it really so wrong to hope that I can have a life, a family at this point in my life? What's wrong with wanting a simple life of home, hearth and family? What is wrong with wanting to have the wedding I've always dreamt of? With adopting a couple of girls and building a future together with someone I love who returns that love?

Why is it in the the time of death and pain, this end of as life so brightly began I even have the strength to consider such things? I don't understand really the needs I have for love making I've always hoped for even though I don't curretnly have the plumbing to support it? How is it I can be so conflicted? How can I want mental, emotional and spiritual connections that women are so used to, that I fear only a woman can provide and yet the physical contact of a man? How can physically I be drawn to creatures at once so attractive, the look, the smell (when they are clean and take good care of themselves) and strength yet at the same time be repulsed?

PP 80, 81, and 82 from the third book of my diary for 2005.