Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Murphy's Luck and a girl named River.

I cannot lie, I'm a fan of Charmed, but I think I've mentioned that before. It's long since passed from the 'verse, but I still enjoy it on DVD. Periodically I'll come across something that I hadn't noticed before. In this particular episode I noticed the acting of the woman playing the character of Maggie Murphy. She was being "haunted" by a Dark Lighter who was trying to get Maggie to commit suicide. Yeah, dark stuff. What really struck me was her acting. She was tapping into a dark place in herself to portray in such a readily believable fashion, something I happen to have lived through myself.

So as she stood there on that rooftop, she was "projecting" emotions and body language that I knew, that struck me deep in my heart. As an empath, it was that much harder for me, because at the same time I was feeling her emotions, my own ghosts were being poked so to speak. So it was especially hard watching it again. I was in that horrific place in my life again, wondering why the heck I was working so hard to survive. I wasn't really in my right mind so to speak, because life threatening depression can cause the entire view of the universe to be different.

Makes me wonder what the actress has been through in her life. Can't portray it that well, that clearly, if you have no idea what it's like. Well, folks could fake it, but having lived through it, I can read in the way she moves, the way she stands, the way her eyes move, her face, that she's tapping into something she knows. Either she spent a whole bunch of time with someone dying, or was ready herself at some point to be able to portray things that well. It was a powerful episode. One that reminds me of a time not long ago when I was on that ledge, ready to end my pain.

Post Traumatic Stress is a horrible thing to have to deal with on top of depression, and quite often can make things (almost always) much worse. In short, PTSD often involves flashbacks and nightmares. River Tam, one of the characters on the short lived hit show "Firefly" was another example of someone reaching deep into the well of her own life, to find something to bring to her character. Again, it was really hard for me.

So while I'm still dealing with my own demons, I can still see, feel, what other people have to deal with, be it real or portrayed, and often have a very visceral reaction to things I see on the tube. No small wonder I don't watch it all that often!


alan said...

Having tried to walk out an upper stories window many years ago, and made a few lesser attempts after that; now that I have grandchildren I know why didn't succeed...

May life reward you for your tenacity as well!


Samantha said...

Well you know, I took my own life successfully in '61. Spent three days trapped in a bathroom with the phonograph playing "La Moribond" over and over until the needle wore out. I spent three years as a ghost, and then when we lost Kennedy, I decided to recycle and wound up here.

In a nutshell, all the things I failed to deal with then, have come to pass again. Different places, faces and times, but the same general things, and I've made it past (touching wood as she writes this) the worst of it now, so I'm working hard on trying to enjoy life a bit more now...

Life best reward my tenacity if it knows what's good for it! (j/k)

I'm working on it, and feel for the first time in a long time like I'm making some progress...