Monday, August 04, 2008

They don't hate me because...

...I'ma woman with a past, but because I'm pretty. I'm checking out of Kroger tonight, and had to sign my credit card receipt. So I put one hand down to hold the paper, the other to sign. The chasier takes one look at my hands and says "Oh I hate you!"

"Wait, WHAT?! Why do you hate me, you don't even know me other than shopping here at bizarre hours. Why would you hate me?"

"Well because I can only dream of having nails like that. If I had nails like that I'd be wearing I don't know, steel tip gloves to protect them and praying ever minute that I don't break them."

Being the idiot I am I said "Yeah, I hate when I break them, thankfully they grow back..."

She moaned and said "And if you tell me you have to take better care of them cause they're not perfect, I think I'll go right home and kill myself!"

"Uh, okay, so I don't think I'm going to say that then... Do you have trouble growing yours out? I can tell you the secret if you want..."

Now she's interested "Really? Oh that makes me feel so much better, let me guess they really are fake, you just had them done in a high end salon to look real?" Like somehow it's okay then that I have them and she doesn't.

So right there in the checkout we had this fifteen minute conversation about doing home manicures and getting your nails to grow out. I mean I had ice cream sandwiches melting, but I had to say something so she wouldn't feel totally left out. So I'm leaving and she says "I still hate you." but with a smile on her face that says it's just in fun.

Truth is the clear coat I had on them is chipped and grown out, so one of the things I got tonight was more polish remover so I could clean them up.

The secret my friends however is Calcium, Magnesium and Vitamin D. It's not just for strong bones you know. Bones, Hair, NAILS, skin, even teeth. You need to be taking at least 1 gram of Calcium, 250mgs Magnesium and at least 500mgs of D. Then, let em grow! Trim them regularly, buff them, get enough protein in your diet and you're good to go.

Yes, I'm noticed. Because I've got good hair (Shiny, long, healthy well loved hair) and nails that I drum on the desk. Not quite enough hair, but people don't notice that. Oh, yeah, one last thing. The old wives tale is if you drum your nails on hard surfaces you're going to damage them, weaken them, chip and break them. I'm here to say it's just NOT true. Drumming them in moderation causes the nail beds to grow them out stronger. Seriously. I'll have to post a picture of my nails for you know what I'm talking about. Tomorrow though, after I clean them up!

1 comment:

~K~ said...

Well where is the picture you promised. You can't promise a picture and not deliver. Do you know the kind of suspense that leave us in?

:oP ...

Hope you're well my dear