Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Two Words for the day...

...are freedom and awareness!

Karyn's recent entry Feeling aware touched off some thoughts and feelings I thought I'd share here:

Hormones are very powerful in our lives, more so in many ways than people give them credit. More often than not, especially when used by someone else, the topic, concept, what have you is something of a slur. For example when people (men mostly) look at women and say something about PMS, or how our hormones fuel our thinking, and comments like that. Not always so positive you know? Makes me bristle and then some. My younger brother for example, tried to shut me up when I had a perfectly valid point he refused to see, by claiming I was hormonally biased or some such. Made me less fond of him than I already am much of the time, and caused me to significantly restrict his access to my until he grows up and catches a clue. Yeah, right, this is me not holding my breath!

What I can almost hear you asking does this have to do with Feeling aware? Nothing and everything.

It is pretty much a given that when we finally bestow the blessings of our own sovereignty on our lives, we are heady with a rush of newness and personal power. We finally give ourselves permission to be us!!! Wow, major, powerful, heady and amazing stuff to be sure. Then we start on HRT and the ride gets even better. Truth be told, HRT is a profoundly moving and powerful experience for anyone who takes that step. It's also such a huge gift to our heart, mind, body and soul that sometimes we tend to credit it with more power than might actually be there. Or, we might see this grand new visita before us and say to ourselves "Wow! This is amazing! Awesome! I've never seen this before!" and chalk it up to the power of hormones.

Now, I'm NOT saying this is not the case. I've been an artist and musician my whole life. Art, imagry, music, all speak to me in a moving and powerful way they don't to most people. HRT, well it made everything deeper, richer, more alive, moving and vivid. I could go on forever about the difference between life before HRT and After, but possibly the best example or explanation I could use would be "Toto, we are SO NOT in Kansas anymore!"

Black & White versus Technicolor. Am radio versus full multispeaker, multichannel, virtual reality surround sound. That big a difference to be sure. Four years later and I'm still noticing a richness to life that was never there before. So yeah, finally running our brains on straight up "girl juice" instead of the mud that used to pass for and endocryn system, wow, that's huge!

There's another drug however we don't think about in this journey of ours. It's the kind of drug SO powerful it makes people go to war, and give, or take lives in the name of having a steady flow of it. It's a drug called FREEDOM!

Yes, THAT drug. While HRT is powerful, what many of us don't think about until years after transition, is just how powerful our own permission to be is! How moving, touching, enriching and validating it is to simply be who we are REALLY is. It's personal freedom.

In talking with Karyn she and I concluded what I already knew in my heart about her. She's much more in touch than most people. But it's something about her life that was there long before she started HRT, she's only now just noticing it, and allowing herself to explore it because she's got permission to be herself. No longer is it a 24x7 job pretending to be someone else, keeping up appearances and such. She's just the girl next door (who just happens to look somewhat like Lindsey Lohan) and she lives day to day free.

That's powerful stuff! Equally as powerful as HRT. Her heart, mind, body and soul working in a harmony never before allowed in any real measure. So it's no surprise (to me) that long dormant parts of her she had to shut down to survive are awakening. It's wonderful to watch, especially given that four years later and I'm still doing this myself.

So, yes, HRT helps with Feeling Aware, but in equal parts with freedom!

So those are my thoughts on Awareness and Freedom and the role HRT plays in it all.

1 comment:

Véronique said...

A very insightful post! And it's weird how I wrote about HRT today as well, intersecting somewhat but by no means totally with what you wrote. You are very right about freedom. I need HRT, but there's much more to it.