Thursday, July 24, 2008

Random thoughts on a cranky but productive day.

People:

So let's see, first of all, it's been a bit over a month since I added a counter to the blog (Thanks for the idea Karyn!) and I'm kinda amazed at how many people have stopped by...

So, here's a shout out to all the fine folks that have stopped in!

Mail:


I've also, temporarily at least, added a email widget like Karyn has on her blog until I rework the one I built. Mine is shiny, but doesn't always work right, so this one works, even if it doesn't fit the aesthetics of my site. Such is life. Anyway, now you really can send me a private email if you wish to. I'm hoping that anyone too shy to post a comment, will feel free to drop me a note and say hi! I don't bite... ...well unless someone wants me too!

Cranky:

So I'm heading into the low point of my cycle and honestly I'm not really digging it much. My Aunt Flo is visiting and well, I'm not in the best of moods. Which means I probably shouldn't have gone to the local support group meeting tonight, just made my mood worse because it was more a fraking shouting match than anything. I'm going to see what happens in two weeks, but tonight I'm thinking I don't really want to go back for more of that... I'm beginning to think I'm just not really the support group meeting type. So I was somewhat, well cranky driving back tonight, and then my connection to the net and machine were being slow, so I was grousing about that too. Sometimes I really envy people who don't have to deal with regular visits from their Aunt!

Getting things done:


So my crazy bank decided that since I was new to the area, they'd pay me $125 dollars to open a free checking account. I've been meaning to open another account anyway, one for income, one for bills, and hey, lets face it, that's almost 3 tanks of gas for my car... So, I actually made it over to the bank and said, sure, why not, you can pay me to open another account I was going to open anyway, and that's exactly what they did. Kinda Cool!

My SIL called me all in a panic this afternoon about something in excell. So I calmly walked her through it, and got her going. Points for me!

Have found a whole bunch of well written fan fiction that I've been really enjoying, including some interesting and unlikely cross overs. Like the Ori invading a Galaxy Far, Far, Away and the results of that. Stranger still, a cross over between "Nash Bridges" and "Quantum Leap" which was just a rip. Sam leaps into our favorite deadhead Harvery, and has to deal with life at the SIU, and saving Joe's life. Do I sound like a fangirl? Yeah, that would be me! I also found one that was a crossover between "Firefly" and "Star Wars" which was also really cool.

The down side of my latest reading habits are they have been keeping me up until sunrise everday for the last week. I just gotta stop that!

Sir:


So it's been several years since anyone's even mistakenly called me Sir. Several blissful years to be honest, because Sir was alway just like fingernails on a chalkboard for me or worse. Hated it. So 3:30 this morning I'm checking out of Kroger at one of the self checkout lanes, and the machine goofed. I was out of Calcium and Flax Oil (Omega Complex) and they had a two for one sale going on. Right on! The machine hadn't been told. So I asked the supervising cashier for help, and she called someone else over. They were talking so I went back to futzing with the rest of my cart full of groceries. She said "Sir? She's going to go over and look it up she'll be right back." I turned around, smiled and said "Thanks." at which point she turned three different shades of red and said, "Oh my god, I'm sorry! I called you Sir! I wasn't really paying attention, I'm so sorry!" I'm just thinking, "Yeah, well we all makes mistakes... So?" But I instead said "Hey, no worries, I'm wearing a big old loose T-shirt with no bra and sweats, it's kinda hard to tell when I'm facing away from you."

I just couldn't help but laugh at the whole exchange as I was walking out. All I did was smile and say thanks. It's really nice when people get it and correct themselves if they make a mistake. It's also nice to be at a point in time and space in my life when it isn't really a question either. No FFS (really good thing cause I just couldn't afford it) of anykind unless you call electrolysis on the eyebrows FFS...

So that, as they say, is that. The highlights I can think of. Yeah, I know, boring. But that's the point. Anyone reading this, who's still early on the path and wondering if they are going to every really be themselves? Well yeah, you'll get there. God's know I did. If I can, anyone can. Just gotta give yourself lots of love, support and patience.

Voice:

Oh yeah, one last thought. Spoke to an old freind this morning. Someone I've know since the early 80s, who at first gave me a ration of grief about what I was doing with my life. Last week when I was talking to her she said, "You know, your voice on the phone gives you away... You know, your past? You should think about working on that." I tried to point out that I was doing something of a compromise with my voice, but it was only really for her. Even at that, it was nothing like my old voice. She'd had problems a while back with my voice, so I figured, okay, I'll try and do something like my old voice.

So today when she called I didn't look at the CallerID and just picked up the phone and said "Hello?" like I normally do. I wasn't quite expecting what I got. "Uh, hi, I'm looking for Samantha? Is she around? Are you her roommate?" I knew who it was at that point and I said "Umm, yeah you could say I'm her roommate, I'm her. Have you been drinking or something?"

She dropped the phone. When she picked it up she said "Sam? You don't sound like Sam, who is this really?" So I realized what was going on and shifted my voice a touch and said "Is this better?" She dropped the phone again. I said "So really, you drinking this early, that's twice you dropped the phone today..." She started blabbering about voices and sounding like a "real girl" and so on. I just laughed and said, "You know I can't win with you no matter what I do... Hey, hold on a minute, and pulled out an old Hypnotherapy CD with my original male voice and said "Here, listen to this..." and played it. She dropped the phone again. "Holy crap, you weren't kidding when you said you were humoring me. I didn't realize the voice I was giving you grief about last time is so far from where you were then, and where you are now... That's amazing!"

So I had to hear for the next fifteen minutes about making up my mind as to voice... I just shook my head and said "I can't win with you can I?"

Some people are SO funny! So, seeing as I started this post with people, I'll end it with them too!

See y'all next time!

2 comments:

~K~ said...

Support~ where do I begin with this one ..

Well I have a very hard time with support group. It isn't because I don't see value in it but it drives me insane. I get myself presentable, I drive 45 minutes, I pay $40 and then listen o people bitch and complain for the next 2 hours...

I walk out feeling worse than the intention of "support" group. I have my share of issues that I need to get over, we all do; but I just don't find any value in paying to walk about feeling bad ...

I'm about being positive now! Positive energy is my friend. I only bother with positive people. It doesn't mean those people aren't allowed to have negative moments, but it can't be all they are about ..

I have a TG girl who emails me occasionally, she's a nice enough chick but she never seems to have anything positive to. Everything is either a complaint or a negative issue.. so I choose not to talk to her very often ...

Sam,

You're a great chick, positive upbeat etc..We all have those days but the nicest thing I see in your blog is something positive to counter the rare negative moment you had ...

Keep rockin my sistah ...
Karyn

Samantha said...

Yeah, I feel pretty much the same way I feel about support groups too. Goodness knows over the years I've done my best to "fit in" with the flow, and be an active participatory member, but I find I'm way to positive for them. I hear all about how life sucks, how this, that, and the other thing is going wrong, and silly me, I try to help!

Helping not so good it seems. People seem to be wed to the suffering in so many ways. Invested in their own limitations, their depression, the reasons why life sucks. Lots of talking over each other, even to the point of shouting, and you know, that just isn't my kind of thing so much...

I'm all about sympathy, empathy, communications and sharing the love. Seems to me it's counter to the general feel of things. People argue why I can't sympathize and such. Wow.

So, I'm thinking this is another experience to once again cross of my list and spend my time on other things. I mean I even missed out on dinner and a movie with my SIL while my brother was working late. She called while I was there. That'll teach me! ;-o)

I can so relate to limiting contact with people who are so focused on the negative. Heck, that was the point of one of my posts a while back. I know a girl in California who's so wed to her pain and has pretty much made up her mind the world is out to get her that I needed to introduce some reasonable distance to our relationship. It hasn't been that popular a move on my part.

Call me stupid, but the best thing about banging my head against the wall is stopping. Or, not doing it at all.

I try to be positive, upbeat, I look to find the middle way through, and am always on the look out for the silver lining to any cloud. It's the Taoist in me I guess.

Karyn,

You too rock sister! One of the big reasons I love reading you blog is you keep it real. Sure, we all have some clouds pass through our lives, but you don't obsess about them, which is awesome!

Keepin' it real, that's the deal! And you are doing a great job!

Sam