Friday, August 07, 2009

Two Moms . . .

Well it's being interesting as always, and last night was no different. As I think I've mentioned before I've sortta been adopted by/adopted a 13 year old girl who needs a Mom. My sister-in-law and I have been kinda doing the whole co-parenting thing for the last year, but it's not like I set my own benchmarks for personal success around being a sucessful Mom.

Mind you since I was 8, well younger even than that really, I've always wanted to grow up to be a wife and Mother like my Mom was. The wife part, well we KNOW how well that worked. Given that "failure" in my life, I'd pretty much written off ever being a Mom. So last night after my daughter went off to bed my sister-in-law and I were talking. I expressed my concerns about not having accomplished as much as I'd have liked to in the last year and she just kinda looked at me and said, "You've accomplished more than you give yourself credit for! That little girl that just left, she worships you, and you may not exactly realize it, but she's still here today because of you. You are an amazing Mom!"

Wow, that caught me off guard. And She's right. My daughter has had a life in many ways everybit as outrageous and unbelievable as mine has ever been. Her own biological Mom died, in jail, when she was six. Her Dad is a nice guy, but he's got his own major issues, and my girl has been more rasiing him, than him raising her. So when it comes to any real parents so to speak, she's never had any until last year when my sister-in-law and I stepped up to the plate. We've been doing in many ways, the good Mom, "bad" Mom thing for a while. She's a whole lot more strict and good about setting boundaries while being nurtuing and supportive, and I, well I try to get my little one to think outside the box, helping her find the value in boundaries of working with people while nurturing and supporting her as well.

When I stopped to think about it, I realized, okay, yes, I can see Val's point. I've acomplished way more than I thought. I can also see how having two Moms isn't the horror so many people think it to be. Frankly it's kinda cool if you ask me. Wow, it also dawned on me that if Earl and I had started a family right away, and we'd had a daughter first like I wanted, she'd be about 13 now too. Funny how our dreams can come sneaking up behind us while we think we are losing them forever, just waiting patiently for us to notice them. Wow, I'm a Mom?!?!! I can handle this, I can cope, I can do this! Ironically it's one thing I'm really good at doing instinctually. Plus my Mom was an excellent example and I learned how to be a Mom from her.

2 comments:

Véronique said...

You and your sister-in-law are doing a beautiful thing. Good on you! That girl probably needs both of you very much right now. It's never easy being 13, and probably even more difficult when you've come from the kinds of circumstances she has. Hope your relationship continues to grow.

Samantha said...

Yeah, I'm kinda happy too. Never imagined I'd actually get to be a Mom this late in life after everything I've been through, but I like it. We're conspiring to give her a birthday party now. I remember, a bit too well, what it's like to be 13 and have those kinds of problems and I know had it not been for my Mom I'd never have made it. So I'm blessed.