Oh what a wonderful, and powerful insight this has been in my life. I write. Constantly. Writing lets me see who I was, am, and become. Writing is as limitless as God[dess], and all at once, as limiting as a snapshot.
In my life up to June of 2004 writing was a tool for communications in a highly structured, cold, distant, technical fashion. Professionally I was sought out for my ability, but I had no real voice. In '04 as I lay weak and spent from a ong battle to save my own life, I put pen to paper and began at first, to document what was happening.
Over time, and the many battles to survive, my writing grew. My soul grew, and my voice became the mirror to my soul. I started five years ago with a single 200 page comp book. Today I'm in my 16th comp book and I've been growing this chronicle of my growth at the rate of three or four volumes per year.
The process of daily writing, has over time, become a form of meditation for me, as I take thoughts, feelings, experiences and weave them into a fixed form, embracing, accepting, and integrating them into me, while preserving the moment. It has indeed become mindfullness manifest.
I'm kind of sorry I missed this seminar, but confident that all who attended could find start the path to the opening the lotus of their voice.
200 page comp books: around $4.00 each.
The growth and memories they capture: Priceless!
Finding your voice in everything you are: Writing.
6 comments:
Back in the early eighties, I was having a hard time with this trans thing, so I let my wife talk me into going to the local Community Counciling center. I'd not had very good luck with the 3 previous councilors I'd seen, including being felt up by the first one. I sat in the waiting area 2hrs.until 5 min. before 12noon I get called into this man's office. I tell him I'm trans, he said he didn't have a pill that would change me, and told me to go home and write everything down that I did when I was "dressed". His hasty dismissal of me had me so pissed that I never did go back, and of course never wrote anything thinking it was a waste of time. 20+ yrs. later, when I started writing my blog, I realized writing was a good thing and I should have listened to the Dr., although I still think he was an a** for giving me only 5 min.
I can't imagine sitting down and reading some of those early pages...you've come so very very far!
Yet perhaps that's why you have them, though the pain is there I'm sure, the journey is as well!
Please never stop!
alan
Wow, Stephanie I'm so sorry. There is so much wrong with the industry that allows people like that to operate and get away with boorish, disrespectful, inhumane behavior.
I agree, he was right about writing, but that's it. He was indeed and a**. Thankfully you're better than him! I'm glad you are writing, and feel privileged you share with us. Thank you!
Alan it's funny you mention that, because I periodically go back to see what marks my pen left before moving on. To see that woman who was in so much pain, who managed to survive and be in this life, is just kind of still amazing to me. Believe it or not, more even than finally being who she {I} really am, it is the fact that I survived all that.
It's kind of funny. My friend Ariel, and so many other friends really, tend to swap what she calls e-mails of epic length. My blog here, tends to have "epic length" posts at times, but I marvel at how much isn't in here. Mind you this blog has grown, in some ways in leaps, but it's just a pittance compared to the thousands of pages in my personal diary. Yes, there is pain a plenty, but successes too, and as you point out, the overall journey.
It's impossible for me not to write. The fact that it's impossible not to is really the only reason I do it.
:-)
I've gone back several times and read some of the "old stuff" you've left up and my heart rends each and every time. The only reason the ache stops is because I know you not only survived but flowered. The image that pops into mind right now is that determined green sprig in "Wall-E"...
alan
Yeah, that's just the stuff on here. I have over 3000 pages of hand written stuff here that isn't on the web.
I have yet to see Wall-E but it's on my list. I'm reminded of a country song by Garth Brooks titled "She's gonna make it, he never will."
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