Saturday, May 03, 2008

Speaking of Trek

I referenced Star Trek in my previous post, and have had occassion to watch some Next Generation episodes in the last couple of hours and was struck by something.

Time, is at best, a slippery mistress. Modern, and no so modern Sci-Fi has toyed with "time travel" for decades. In several Next Generation episodes this topic was played with, and I might say fairly well. "Temporal Mechanics" is not a strickly linear, uni-directional constant, but more something fluid, changing, flowing, because this is indeed the very nature of the universe.

Elasticity is something that like water, is self leveling. That is to say tip it any which way you wish, it will always level out and orient it's "horizon line" with the strangest gravity well near it. In this case, earth. "The more things change, the more they stay the same." It is change I'm here to talk about in a round about fashion.

The Original Series started a five year mission, and it seems all at once a lifetime, and a moment. Five years short ago I looked enough like William T. Riker (Jonathan Frakes) that I had to show my drivers license to prove I was not him. It happened regularly, and at one point I was nearly mobed at a convension. The walk, the "command" attitude, the beard and mustache, general shape and build, it was something I "used" to hide away from the rest of the world.

Now, I just can't see it. Not a little, not at all. Not so much as a trace.

That's me to the left as of five days ago. No makeup other than a touch of tinted lip gloss, nothing special in terms of hair, and not even close to dressed up. Honestly I was wearing a pair of sweats and the t-shirt you can see.

William T. WHO?

Now I'll be the first to admit I need to lose a bunch of weight. Believe it or not, almost half a person's worth of it, and with the nicer weather, I'll get back to it very shortly. Plus the other changes I'm taking in my life to lower my stress levels, and get back to a diet I'm more used to and I'll be in good shape in about six months. But there's no way anyone could ever mistake the person in that picture, my picture with a famous Starfleet officer. Not a chance.

Honestly it took a good bit less than five years and nothing more than HRT. I don't remember what it was like to be that guy. What it was like to ever have the wrong body. This one isn't perfect, but Lord knows it's much better than it was. I was blessed, am blessed, I took to HRT like a fish to water. Yes, that is, my chest, just exactly the way nature intended it. Not a hint of saline or silicone to be found. Below it are all the rest of the curves I should have had since I was five years old... Well the one I should have grown into at least.

I went from looking like Cmdr Riker, to looking like my Mom or my younger sister. So much so that one of my sister's oldest friends thought I was using her picture when she found me on a High School group site where a bunch of us were talking about how much we've changed.

It just struck me as amazing, and I'm honestly deeply thankful too!

I mean I don't even remember what it was like not to have breasts. I remember this profound sense of wrongness, but that went with most of the rest of my body. I do recall how people used to compare me to, or confuse me with Riker, but over all, not with how it all felt aside from wrong. The "wrongness" of it was viceral, but otherwise, that's about it. I wondered briefly if that was something I should have held on to, but unlike Cmdr. Data who can, and does, delete things at will, it's not like I did anything to remove it. I guess it was more that it was so alien to me that when I no longer had to pretend, all the stuff that went with the role went with it.

I'm not even sure it's such a great loss. Post transition life was where I left it, key's in the ignition, motor running. I however am nothing like the last driver of this car known as life. I guess part of all this thinking was touched off by Karyn's posts about her name, and his old name. Now that I remember. Truth to be told, I hated that old name. It wasn't me, it never was. Which I suppose was why I had SO many nicknames. "You can call me anything but late for dinner" was what he used to say, and I'm quite certain he meant it. I know he was, because he was in effect a hologram in so many ways. Me, I'm Samantha, Sam and to my brother SamIam because he thinks it's funny. Then again he refers to my namesake as Samalama!

God's I hope that when he's older and starts going to school, they don't find out about that.

So I guess, this is my way of saying that one day, in the not terribly distant future we can all look back, or not, to the great gulf of difference, as little as five years can make.

May you all be so blessed!

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