Thursday, June 10, 2010

Flying in style a long way from where I was . . .

. . . a few short years ago.

Monday I pulled just over 13 miles on a trail in Indiana.  I was thinking that I really enjoy it because it was relatively flat so I could really haul.  Then I looked at the data from my cycling computer.  You see I use my smart phone as a combination workout/cycling computer.  Because it's GPS based, it also shows my the elevation changes in the course of my work out as well.  So here I am flying back and forth over a course that is just about 4 miles end to end.  Imagine my surprise to see that in that four miles there's some pretty decent elevation changes.  640 feet worth of climbing in fact.  Which struck me as funny given that I was thinking of it as fairly flat.  I broke some of my existing records in this session.  Like a top speed of 18.95 miles per hour and 1092 calories burned in a single work out.  Like maintaining an average speed of 12 miles per hour overall.  And my personal favorite, the sound of rolling thunder the one bridge makes as I fly over it.  It's a large steel bridge, with the travel surface being made up of wood slates that have a certain amount of give to them to account for heating and cooling.  So the tires flying over them cause the boards to flex and slap.  Makes the coolest noise.

By far the best part was the fifteen minutes I took to sit there soaking up the place, the sounds, smells, sights, and the sunset.  The peace and quiet I could and did let soak into and through me.  Grounding and centering.  Which is when it struck me.  I've come a long way in a short period of time.  I've done a great deal of healing in a short period of time.  I mean it's not just the almost thousand plus miles of distance between me and most of the madness, but it's how much I've grown and changed.

Three years ago I hardly ever left the house.  When/if I did, it was usually with someone else.  Rarely I'd go to one of two parks I felt safe in, and even then, I didn't talk to anyone and avoided folks like the plague.   I didn't go far, or fast, and I was constantly wound up tighter than the tightest spring, waiting for the next shoe to drop.  I was a complete and total basket case.  Five years ago this month I'd only just had a nervous breakdown the month before, was still being stalked and terrorized by Earl and his folks.  My lawyer was dragging his ass on everything because he just had no clue what it was like to be a battered woman.  Plus I was living with my sister-in-law if you could call that living right up until two years ago.  She was (and is) in her own way as much a mess as I, and wasn't taking her own life seriously.  Often because of proximity I got dragged into her mess because I was hiding out in a room in her house.   I'd have to step up with money I didn't have to keep the lights, gas, and water on because she was, is, incapable of balancing a budget or paying the bills.  The house was in foreclosure, so I'm panicking to try and avoid winding up living in my car, while trying to save enough money to escape.  Not a good combination as it was.  I was heading to another nervous breakdown or worse.

So Monday?  Soaking up the place and time I was, taking a short break from a ride that turned out to be 13 miles?  Back on a bike doing some really serious cycling?  Not for that moment worried about anything or anyone.  Just being in the moment.  An endless string of moments of that wonderful day when I was busting my tail and burning calories, but having so much fun doing it.  Flying on this rail trail along the Ohio river  worrying about nothing for a change an letting myself enjoy the flight.  And at speeds up to almost 19 miles per hour, I was indeed flying!  Flying a long way from where I was . . .

2 comments:

zilla said...

Fly! Good for you, Samantha! You sound better than ever!

Samantha said...

Yeah, in ways I am better than ever. I've rediscovered or discovered a serious passion for getting out on a bike. It's having a pretty bike effect on my life right now and I hope that to continue! So in many ways I feel better than I have in a very long time.

Yup, flying is good for me!