Suddenly things become so much more clear . . .

I figured out this morning much to my genuine surprise that 43 some odd years ago, right before she was married, my Mother-in-law was raped. Someone she'd allowed to get too close thinking she could "control" them took advantage of her either emotionally, physically or both. This had many of the usual effects seen in most rape victims, myself included, but for her included a psychotic break and a freeze of her world view. She's thus trapped in that part of her life, judging everything and everyone against that now long since gone "map" of values. She'd also tightened her CONTROL of the universe around her to the current pathologically unsound levels that are slowly destroying her family.

This all explains fundamentally EVERYTHING that has gone on up to this point, and makes as much sense as anything else.