For my friend Shauna . . .

So I was reading your latest blog post, and trying to find the right words to address it when I followed a link off your blog and found Alexis ruminating on almost the same thought. She brought up this song, that I'd never heard before, but simply adore now that I have heard it. So, I thought I'd share it with everyone and dedicate it to you. (More of what I wrote after the break)

What if?

This song is gloriously beautiful but it goes by fast. So in the interests of making sure that the words are not missed, here they are:

Here you sit in your high back chair.
I wonder how the view is from there?
I wouldn't know because I like to sit,
upon the floor, yes upon the floor.

If you like we can play a game.
Lets pretend that we are the same.
You will have to look much closer,
than you do, closer than you do.

I'm far too tired to stay here anymore,
and I don't care what you think anyway.
I think you were wrong about me.
Well what if you were, what if you were?

What if I'm a snow storm burning?
What if I'm a world un-turning?
What if I'm an ocean far too shallow, much to deep?

What if I'm the kindest demon,
something you may not believe in?
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep?

I know you've got me figured out.
Tell me what I'm all about,
and I just might learn a thing or two,
maybe about you, maybe about you.

I'm at the end of your telescope,
but I won't change just to suit your vision.
I am bound by a fraying rope,
around my hands, tied around my hands.

You close your eyes when I say I'm breaking free,
and you put your hands over both your ears,
because you can not stand to believe I'm not,
the perfect girl you thought.

Well what have I got to lose.

What if I'm a weeping willow,
laughing teers upon my pillow?
What if I'm a socialite who wants to be alone?

What if I'm a toothless leopard?
What if I'm a sheep-less shepherd?
What if I'm an angel without wings to take me home?

You don't know me.
You never will, you never will.

I'm outside your picture frame,
and the glass is breaking now.

You won't see me.
You never will, you never will.
No, if you're never going to see.

What if I'm a crowded desert?
Too much pain with little pleasure?
What if I'm the nicest place, you never want to go?

What if I don't know who I am?
Will that keep us both from trying,
to find out? When you have,
be sure to let me know.

What if I'm a snow storm burning?
What if I'm a world un-turning?
What if I'm an ocean far too shallow, much to deep?

What if I'm the kindest demon,
something you may not believe in?
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep?

Now, that said, I think it works equally well to say that as far as I, and many of your sisters online and off are concerned, we love you regardless. Now the big question is how can we help you find this same kind of precious, evolved and unconditional love and acceptance for yourself? How can we help? How can I? Acceptance like that starts within, the rest of the world will find and even greater level of acceptance, and understanding of you when you do. It's amazing how it works, and honestly I won't bore you with all the details of why it does, especially since I don't know them, I just know that it works.

So how would your life be different if you knew and totally accepted yourself at this kind of level? How do you think people would see you then. "What If" you're just a girl, like any number of the roughly 3.something billion of the rest of us on this planet? "What If" your past was behind you and only a memory and the future hadn't happened yet? "What If" you were truly free? Can you sense or feel how your life would be different? "What If" you let go of other peoples problems and did your best to help them grow and move on but didn't take ownership of their issues?

So if you can see, feel, and imagine inside of yourself what life would be life why not live that? After all you only have this instant in time, this moment, this second? Yesterday my friend is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet, so "What If" you live right now? "What if" you live today like there is no tomorrow and just enjoy the now, live the now, and make every second of it as positive, powerful and wonderful as you can imagine? "What If" after living each now like that tomorrow becomes the past and everyone loves you tomorrow as much as they did today and yesterday? "What If" everyone saw you as you are, always, and had only one name for you, Shauna? "What If" they were living in a past you imagined as tomorrow today?

Can you wrap your heart and mind around that, accept it, embrace it, and make it your own? "What if" you did? What If you give yourself a hug from me cause I'm too far away to reach?

Something to keep in mind.

Something I found over on Transsexual Ferox, loved and had to share: The original is over at LGBT Laughs.

An engineering professor is treating her husband, a loan officer, to dinner for finally giving in to her pleas to shave off the scraggly beard he grew on vacation. His favorite restaurant is a casual place where they both feel comfortable in slacks and cotton/polyester-blend golf shirts. But, as always, she wears the gold and pearl pendant he gave her the day her divorce decree was final. They’re laughing over their menus because they know he always ends up diving into a giant plate of ribs but she won’t be talked into anything more fattening than shrimp.

Quiz: How many biblical prohibitions are they violating?

Well, wives are supposed to be ‘submissive’ to their husbands (I Peter 3:1). And all women are forbidden to teach men (I Timothy 2:12), wear gold or pearls (I Timothy 2:9) or dress in clothing that ‘pertains to a man’ (Deuteronomy 22:5). Shellfish and pork are definitely out (Leviticus 11:7, 10) as are usury (Deuteronomy 23:19), shaving (Leviticus 19:27) and clothes of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19). And since the Bible rarely recognizes divorce, they’re committing adultery, which carries the rather harsh penalty of death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22).

So why are they having such a good time? Probably because they wouldn’t think of worrying about rules that seem absurd, anachronistic or - at best - unrealistic. Yet this same modern-day couple could easily be among the millions of Americans who never hesitate to lean on the Bible to justify their own anti-gay attitudes.

Hi, I'm Samantha, otherwise I'm sleeping...

Spent the weekend with friends old and new, and quite by accident or whit, as much as self defense I came out with "Hi, I'm Samantha, otherwise I'm sleeping."

It was an interesting day, especially given that I was Exposed to "Kill Bill" Volumes one and two.

My friend Christianne was in town visiting with her SO and they were staying with Emma & Ruth whom I've also known for a goodly number of years now as well. It started with Christianne asking if I'd be willing to meet for lunch since we'd not yet ever been in the same state at once, let alone the same room. Might be nice to actually meet in person for once. Sounded like a good idea to me. While trying to coordinate lunch somewhere we had to factor in the impact of an ill timed snow storm. Eventually it was decided that lunch in made the most sense. Fine by me, I was more interested in the people than the food overall.

As Lori noted recently in one of her blogs, turning blog friends into real friends was much more like getting together with old friends who don't get into town often instead of meeting new people.

A number of other friends joined, some of whom are trans-gendered, so folks were introducing themselves as "{First Name} otherwise I'm {other name}" and being just one gender I had to say something to acknowledge them and not seem uncomfortable so I came out with "Hi, I'm Samantha, otherwise I'm sleeping?" My hope was folks would find it amusing and feel at ease, it seemed to work well since they laughed and on we went with the day. It's good to be able to think on my feet sometimes. This was no exception.

It was a long but wonderful day of good friends, food, wine and film. Not a bad way to spend a day especially since they were all big fans of Kill Bill and I'd never seen either one. Now I'm no movie reviewer like Christianne, she does an amazing job with that, so I'm not even going to try. What I will say is that I loved the way the movie was shot, the use of light, space and blocking to tell a powerful story and add to the over all feeling and plot. The foundation was solid and had real meat on it in terms of characters and their development, as well as plot and context devices to support the characters. Uma Thurman played the heroine well and the writing lent credibility to her ability to paint a warrior scorned. Flashbacks and foreshadowing where liberally used to set the stage for the Hero's journey in a very Joseph Campbell style of story arcs.

What I loved most was the lighting, blocking and camera work of the film. As a photographer and someone who paints with light, film is kind of the ultimate adventure in painting with light. While very much a feature, it had nods to comics and old Chinese chop-em-up movies of the past. This treatment was splendid and kept me smiling and really enjoying the unfolding of the story. In an unusual twist, there were several plot points that I simply did not see coming. An the movies get extremely high marks for that alone. As a writer, photographer and storyteller, normally I see things coming a mile off, and I find enjoyment in how they get there. In "Kill Bill" one and two there were many points of O! Pure amazement and pleasure at writing and story telling I so didn't see coming. Surprising me in a movie is nearly impossible, and yet "Kill Bill" managed it with ease more than once. I really dig that! So it was two great movies I'd never seen before but am glad now that I did.

So anyway, it was a great day, I had fun and got to spend time with old friends, and met some new ones.