What happens when you watch late night TV.

So I had the TV on really late, and I saw an infomercial that I actually watched, and I think I'm going to respond to it next week. I have some weight to lose, and with winter coming, walking in the park isn't really a good idea. I can go to the gym, which I'm going to start doing more often, but I wanted something I could do at two in the morning when I can't sleep.

Core Rhythms looks like so much darn fun, I'm going to get it just for the fun. Looking at it from working muscle groups, well, it's going to put all the muscles in the core to good use, so weight loss will have to come. Plus, I love dancing, and Latin Rhythms, so this is like perfect... Picture me doing the Samba around my living room!

So, anyway, at some point in the near future, I'm going to get that and start using it. I'm confident it will be fun, and having followed some of the moves from the infomercial, I know it will work out my core, since I stood there doing one of the moves time I got bored, and felt the burn afterwards...

Hard to believe November is nearly gone.

It's also hard for me to believe that I've added more posts to this blog this years than in the last two combined. The year isn't even over yet. I stand a decent chance at the rate I'm going to get to 100 posts this year, and you know, that would be so cool. Though to be honest, I don't know why it would be. But I'll figure that out later.

I had a number of things to talk about tonight (well this morning really) but I'm going to leave them for the morrow. Right now I want to express a certain indignation. Black Friday has left me once again annoyed with the vultures at big oil. Thursday night on the way home from Thanksgiving I paid 1.48 a gallon for gas. I'm glad I got gas then, because Friday when I went out I noticed the price had jumped up to 1.65. Why? Because it was Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year, and they HAD to take advantage of that...

So, that said I'm going to mention three books I more or less read. I'll get into details in the next handful of posts, but I want to mention them here briefly. "My Husband Betty," "She's Not The Man I Married," and "Whipping Girl" were all on my list for a while to read, and I'm feeling somewhat disappointed in all three to be honest.

The first two are excellent arguments with someone, I'm just not sure who, more like technical manuals, with a certain undercurrent of anger and disappointment, that short of the wives of Cross dressers, these two books have left me wanting. They are technical to the point of near obfuscation, and I wonder who exactly the target audience is. Helen's writing on her blog is of much better quality, and less technical and more feeling than the first book by miles, and a good distance from the second.

The books are lonely, lost, and searching in their tone, with like I say equal helpings of anger and disappointment that I'm not even sure Helen is sure she meant to include. Frankly these books, while I doubt seriously they were intended to o this, play to the sensationalism of modern media, and frankly send the wrong message in many ways. In ways, the arguments Julia makes in "Whipping Girl" are what's so wrong with the first two.

Now, that said, I'll be the first to admit what little I know about Cross Dressing and the people who do it is somewhat colored by the limited contact I had with that community early on. Simply put, it was less than positive, full of anger, hatred, and demands for things they (the CD community) don't quite understand. There is this latent negative energy that pervades things, poisons things, and does nothing toward unity, understanding, tolerance or growth. It seems like this has made it into Helen's books, just from the other side of that community, the wives.

There is a great deal of detail in there, but what's odd is I'm not sure who it is for. CD folk who want to feel less alone? Wives of CD folk? Both? The rest of the world? Well short of CD folk, Academics and Talk Shows, I don't know who'd want to read them? Putting myself in the shoes of a possible CD, there's a subtext of anger there, something they get enough already, plus massive amounts of whats wrong all the way around. So, misery loves company maybe? Wives? Wow, I don't know. Putting myself in the shoes of a wife, there's so much I'd have already been dealing with, and the prose is hard edged, technical, arguments opened, rehashed, and of course the anger and disappointment. I get that, and maybe some women could relate to it, but it's delivery is cold, distant, hard edged, nearly impossible for me to connect with, develop any sympathy for it, or the person who wrong it.

So I hate to be negative, but I better understand the couple of interviews and confusion in them. It honestly comes off as someone arguing why they shouldn't be so distant, and why other human beings should be more understanding, without showing that either. Honestly, in simplest tens, both tomes have the feel of airing dirty laundry in public.

That is however my opinion, and mine alone. I could easily be wrong. I write this not to offend Helen, but more to ask "What were you thinking? You ARE smarter than this, and a better writer than this." Might I suggest your next book be "What I meant to say, a mile in my shoes" and let your heart guide you pen.

I will say if your are transitioning, and have never been involved in Cross Dressing, there is left than no point in reading either book. In fact I would strongly advise against reading either. Seriously, don't read them. Sorry Helen. I'm not trying to be mean, really.

Tomorrow I'll look at "Whipping Girl" and how that felt to me. I'll warn you up ahead, I wasn't much thrilled with that tome either.

Not the usual Thanksgiving conversation...

So we're sitting around after dinner, talking, having a great time, and My brother looked at my sister-in-law and said "Mom looked at me earlier and said 'Be you never imagined you'd be here did you?'"

She never imagined him to be the guy he is, the kind of Dad he is, and thinks it's cool. Which honestly it is. He's very involved in Sam's life, I mean he basically works at home and is a stay at home Dad, which is so awesome. But more than just taking care of Sam, he's engaged, and involved, he and Sam horse around together, and they have a whole lot of fun. I know I have as much fun watching the two of them play as I enjoy playing with my namesake. My brother is open, and available, and emotionally connected. So of course Mom mentioned that, and he wasn't certain what that meant, so we explaining to him about how he's exceptional for a guy, emotionally accessible, engaged in his relationships, connected. Of course we added in the appropriate disclaimers and said not like your "femmy" or anything, not emotional like a girl, so there's no reason to worry. He said good, cause I just can't imagine myself as a girl. I couldn't resist and said;

"Well that's good, because you know I'd fully support you if you did, but I'd have a hard time wrapping my mind around you being a girl!"

Without missing a beat he came back with "Now you know MY pain!" and of course we all started laughing. My sister-in-law paused and looked at him and said, "Well no, not really." and then to me "You know I know about your past, but I just can't imagine you as a guy." Which isn't really surprising, since she never new me all those years ago. My brother chuckled and said "Yeah, at this point, even I have trouble imagining you as a guy, and I knew you then."

I'm kinda looking forward to getting into the storage locker and digging out the wedding video... MY wedding video from well over a decade ago. I figure I'll bring it up for one of our movie nights and embarrass my Bro a bit. Why? Cause toward the end of my wedding he's obviously feeling no pain. At this point, I have trouble imagining me as that Starfleet Officer and a Gentleman kind of thing. Playing that part, the wrong part, at my own wedding. Plus it'll give my sister-in-law some idea of the guy she never knew.

Otherwise, we had a great time tonight, then again we usually do when we get together. My namesake, he's growing like a weed, and is smart as a whip. At one point he was sitting on my lap, and I started massing the top of his head and messing up his hair. I was really amazed when I stopped, and he took my hand, put it back on the top of his head, making it clear he didn't want me to stop. He's like the smartest one year old ever, and gets bigger every time I'm up there. Might now sound like much, but Thursday night is dinner and a movie night. We hang out, telling jokes, eating, and watching movies. So I'm there pretty much one a week at least.

My brother says I'm just biased.

I hope your Turkey Day was great too.

Now in the immortal words of Jack Killian at KJCM in San Fransisco;

"Good night America (and the rest of the world) where ever you are!"

Thanksgiving in the states...

I have a whole bunch to be thankful for this year, and am reminded of a Thanksgiving a bunch of years back at my sister Lynn's house. It was a whole bunch of us, packed into her house, and we had a great time. The newest edition to the family had just been born a few short days before hand, and we were all so thrilled to have everyone there. It was that last "decent" Thanksgiving I had with Earl. Mind you he was sick, in serious trouble health wise, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt even then, that it would be our last. I didn't spend the day then wrapped up in it being the end, and I choose not to remember it as a last, but a best.

Today too I choose not to dwell on that ending, but to focus on what was good, happiness, time with family and love in my sister's full house. It was a great day. Too much food, wine, laughter, fun, and people I treasure, then and now. It was a day to just let my hair down, or at least as much as I could then, and relax. It has left an everlasting bright spot in my heart that I'm thinking about today. That to this day many years later, I'm still Thankful for just as it was.

I'm just about to get cleaned up and head over to my namesake's house to have Thanksgiving dinner with family there and very much looking forward to it. I'm lucky and I know it. In stark contrast with many women in our community, I have friends and family to share the day with, and for this I'm thankful.

I'm also thankful for the community I've come to know somewhat, for the women in my life who've made it possible for me to have had, and continue to have, Thanksgivings where I really do let my hair down. So many people have touched my life, directly and indirectly, and I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for helping to make this day possible. It's going to be my fourth thanksgiving that I'm me, not a role I'm playing, and that means so much to me!

So, before I run, I want to say thanks to my family, far and near, for a great day. For being part of my life, making it richer, happier, and more fulfilled than I'd ever dreamed possible. It may not be a perfect life, but it is mine, and that means so much.

So thanks everyone! I love you all.

What "generation" is one actually a part of?

This question has perplexed me for a goodly number of years, especially given the great disparity in answers I've been given by so called authorities on the subject. This evening while reading other blogs for recreation purposes, I came across an interesting "test" to determine what generation I am a part of based on media usage.

First, I'll back up a bit by sharing that depending on who ones asks, and when, I'm either a Boomer, Gen Jones (Post Boom but not X) or Gen X. This is based purely on the number of the year this shell was born in. 1964 technically puts me at the tail end of the boomers, but I've NEVER felt like part of that group. Similarly Gen Jones, and Gen X have left me wanting. Never really felt like part of them either.

The test I took tonight, places me squarely in the Gen Y group, which I find amusing, and not at all surprising. Find out for yourself at Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist blog. She has a post about this very subject with a test attached. Plus I just enjoy reading her blog now and again because I really appreciate her view of the universe...

Automaker's Bailout and blame.

Okay, I just have to say this, but I'm kinda on the fence about the talks about 25 Million dollar bailout of Automakers. So on one hand, I don't want to see all those people lose their jobs and further hurt the economy. On the other, people are not buying car for a whole bunch of reasons, not the least of which was the price of gas. Cars that get crappy mileage aren't going to sell, and since the average new car gets LOWER gas mileage than my ten year old Kia, I don't see them having much success. There's also the simple fact that new cars cost way, way too much. Then let's try the fact that they pump out new cars at an enormous, scary rate.

They NEED to re-tool and re-design for alternative energy, and producing a high quality LOW price, affordable car that people want. Making an alternative fuel car that's too expensive is crazy, no one is going to buy them.

Okay people, her is an official notification: The economy IS ALREADY TOAST. It's done, gone, Rome is burning, stop trying to blame President Obama!!! For pity sake, he just got elected, hasn't had his first day on the job and people are already blaming him? Especially the frickin GOP, they are already spinning this as HIS fault.

"Dear stupid politicians,

At the end of the Clinton Administration, the economy wasn't terrible and the budget was more or less balanced for the first time in years. The DOTCOM bubble had broken and yet, you all wanted to ease regulations on trading and speculation, loans and banking, and let the banks and big business go nuts.

It's now 2008, President Obama has just been elected, and has not even taken office. He's going to be stepping into hell, forced to clean up the mess you all made. He's in way deep and he hasn't even started. It's going to take a huge amount of work and time to reverse the damage, and work from you jokers to help him get the job done. Don't blame him."

That's all I'm going to say about that, but you heard it here first. I'm not going to blame it on a specific party, because it's simpler than that. Either you're part of the solution, or part of the problem. Drop the titles and posturing and get to work!

Keith Olberman on Marriage

Wow. This is just amazing, and beautiful. It's obvious he's passionate about this, and I think that's fabulous. (Thanks Helen from sharing this!)

Amazing how many people are narrow minded bigots...

...in the 21st century.

Short of a miracle it looks like Prop 8 passed in California, with similar stupidity passing in Arizona and Florida.

It's a sad, sad day in America despite the miracle last night of getting a good man into the White House.

There is some Jewish heritage in my family, my history, and in the Jewish Culture when someone is really, really, horrible for some reason, parents, family members can say, you are dead to me.

Just over 50% of three states population are now dead to me.

I don't care WHY someone voted in favor of Prop 8 or the similar measures in two other stats, because there is NO excuse. That's it, done, buy a shovel, dig a hole, climb in because your are dead to me. If your a regular reader here and would have, or did vote yes on Prop 8, get lost. Don't comment, don't argue why it's okay to be a hateful, narrow minded bigot, just leave and don't come back because you are dead to me.

This is most certainly not right speak, and I'm not being a good Buddhist with this post then again all the religious WACKOS in California, Florida, and Arizona are going straight to hell when they die, so they've already decided on an eternity of suffering. It's not my job to be compassionate for hateful, evil people and right now, I cannot, and will not find the perspective to see their side of this. Frankly, I have the gift/curse of empathy, intuition, and perspective that could make me an excellent profiler. I can "get into" other peoples heads and hearts, but on this one, NO WAY... I'd rather take my chances with a school of hungry sharks or something, these people are just wrong... As in broken wrong...

So, they are dead to me.

I can't believe this...

I'm more concerned about Prop 8 in California right now than the presidential race. I'm sitting here, for the first time in several lifetimes, really watching the news and the race. Right now, President Obama is up by a bunch right now, 200 to 90. I'm going to be up watching the race all night, and on the edge of my seat waiting for word about Prop 8. Everyone I know who lives there has either already voted NO, or is the process of doing it, but I'm still kinda focused on that.

To say that it has no impact on me because I live a bit more that two thousand miles would just be short sighted. It has an impact on everyone in the United States regardless of what they may think, and says a lot about the overall direction of people, and the country.

We need Prop 8 to be voted down. All of us, every last person in the country.

So I'm waiting with baited breath...

Regardless of who or what you vote for, please, if you haven't done it yet and you can, PLEASE VOTE!!!

History will be made tonight regardless of who wins. Record numbers of people are voting all across the country and I hope it is the beginning of a whole new level of participation by people of all ages...

In other news, I found, and read a wonderful book last night. Yeah, just last night. I was wondering the shelves of the local library and found a new "Star Trek" book ostensibly by Shatner, but in reality, ghosted by two of the oldest names in the franchise Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stephens. I've got to say, this was one of the best I've read yet. It was the story of Kirk and Spock meeting back when they were Teenagers. Literally. Kirk was 17 and Spock was 19, and it was an amazing and fun read. It's full title is "Star Trek Academy Collision" and a great read. About the only problem I had with it is it went really fast...

Oh good lord...

I happened to have turned on the Tele because Ellie wants to see the Simpson's Halloween special. So I've got the TIVO reved up and ready to burn a DVD for her and it just so happens I got sucked into the Giant's game.

Somehow I've become something of a Giant's fan... Arrgghhh... I even had more of an armchair understanding of what was going on because of Earl spending years trying to teach me about football.

The Giant's were his team, and he was a fanatic. Last year they took the big game for the first time in years, and I watched the whole thing start to finish. So here I am, cheering on my late husbands team. It was all just kinda surreal for me. I'm pleased to report they took the game tonight, and are 7 and 1 on the season. What scare me is I even know what that means. Dallas, well they got trampled and pretty much have no chance at the big show this year. So they got crushed...