Okay, I'm officially pissed now!!!

Having been hospitalized TWICE recently because of the madness and mayhem Earl is getting away with because my lawyers are idiots not withstanding, I'm seriously getting tired of how women are treated around here!!! Case in point, Earl has managed to do so much damage to me that I spend far too much of my time in fear of what is going to happen next, terrified another shoe will drop squishing me like a bug ending my life.

Today I find out about a woman who's husband went to a doctor, CONVINCED him his wife needs to be medicated and controlled, and HE IS DOING IT!!! Didn't give this poor woman a chance to talk about it, defend herself, nothing, take these and present yourself for a blood test every week or we are going to commit you against your will to a mental hospital!

I'm sorry, when did Hitler get elected president? I thought that frelling NUTTER was dead!!!!!!! I mean really folks who the frell comes up with these kinds of things? Since when can a husband play doctor like that and WHY???????

I know our country is in trouble, I get that, there are whackos out there re-writing history and undermining OUR constitution on a daily basis, slowly trying to turning our country in to a theocracy, I get that. I also understand the country is so divided and blind that they just might get away with it.

Now to find out there are, I repeat THERE ARE, places in our country where ONE HUSBAND can legally take away ALL of a woman's rights, right here, right now, without so much as a how do YOU FEEL??????? Come on, we have to wake up, we have to fight, we have to stand together and say NO, THIS CANNOT BE ALLOWED to happen!!!!!!!

Talk about making one nuts . . .

So Friday they let me leave the hospital under three conditions;

1.) I not be alone, I had to call my Sister-in-law, who is also my roommate, to confirm she'd keep an eye on me over the weekend,

2.) I'd fill the perscription for Xanax they gave me, and take it until,

3.) I call the local out-paitent mental health place FIRST THING Monday and schedule and appointment. So I head back to the townhouse, met Ellie in the car on the way over to the hospital and waited.

So I called, first thing Monday, I spoke to Tracy at this place who spent half an hour trying to convince me to go back to the hospital and admit myself until they can see me. I managed to get her to skip the idea of going for admission and she said I'd be assinged to a Maria. Maria wasn't in, so she'd have to call me back later. Later turned out to be Tuesday and while I liked her right off,the first scheduled appointement would be JUNE 4th. She suggested I get the Xanax refilled until thier Doctor could see me and give me something else.

The hospital, after playing switchboard tag informed me they do not refill PERIOD, see my Doctor. I said my doctor said to see you UNTIL I could be seen . . . I called Maria back, she said you are STILL thier paitent, and I should go back over there. The main desk said see the folks in the ED, they said take a number and wait. On top of everything else, the lowest dosage was too strong for me, left me a complete Zombie.

So, if you are ever going to take Xanax, keep in mind Estrogen AND Prilosec both conspire to make the Xanax more powerful. Great!!! Zombie!!! So I cut the dose in half after the first day, zombie woman is gone! So I waited, and they called me in . . .

Oh, yes Ms. Q*****, Estrogen and Pilosec will make it stronger, we just couldn't get you anything different since this is already the lowest dosage around. What? You cut them in half? Oh well yeah that could work but we cannot tell you that. Oh, not going to be seen by the doctor for several weeks, okay here's 12 more . . .

In any case I didn't need to keep taking them, so the extra ED visit was an expensive pain in the rear . . .

I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I'm a lucky Girl, I hope if I say it often enough while clicking my heals together I'll finally be lucky!?!

So I really think I need to spend more time here . . .

I couldn't take it anymore, I just lost it, and checked into the local ER because I couldn't stop crying. I was done, over, finished, couldn't take any more pain, shouldn't have to, and knew that if I didn't do something positive RIGHT THEN and there, I wouldn't live to see the weekend. The scariest part of it all is being a TS Woman had NOTHING to do with it.

I really don't think of myself as a TS or TG anything. I'm a woman, I am trying to have some kind of life and I cannot handle all the expectations that folks keep throwing on me. My ex has taken EVERYTHING, and still people expect things, money, etc from me. When I say NO; I get abuse.

When I ask for help on the other hand the entire damn world is more than happy to tell ME know and when, IF I ask why; I get abuse.

So I was done, I was going home because it just isn't worth it, I have enough pain in my life to start with without people giving me more. Life post-ascension ins't all clouds and angles, BUT it isn't this insufferably STUPID and there are checks and balances in place and REAL FREE WILL . . .

Thank God and Godess for the folks at the hospital, they saved my life!