Wednesday, February 17, 2010

For my friend Shauna . . .

So I was reading your latest blog post, and trying to find the right words to address it when I followed a link off your blog and found Alexis ruminating on almost the same thought. She brought up this song, that I'd never heard before, but simply adore now that I have heard it. So, I thought I'd share it with everyone and dedicate it to you. (More of what I wrote after the break)

What if?

This song is gloriously beautiful but it goes by fast. So in the interests of making sure that the words are not missed, here they are:

Here you sit in your high back chair.
I wonder how the view is from there?
I wouldn't know because I like to sit,
upon the floor, yes upon the floor.

If you like we can play a game.
Lets pretend that we are the same.
You will have to look much closer,
than you do, closer than you do.

I'm far too tired to stay here anymore,
and I don't care what you think anyway.
I think you were wrong about me.
Well what if you were, what if you were?

What if I'm a snow storm burning?
What if I'm a world un-turning?
What if I'm an ocean far too shallow, much to deep?

What if I'm the kindest demon,
something you may not believe in?
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep?

I know you've got me figured out.
Tell me what I'm all about,
and I just might learn a thing or two,
maybe about you, maybe about you.

I'm at the end of your telescope,
but I won't change just to suit your vision.
I am bound by a fraying rope,
around my hands, tied around my hands.

You close your eyes when I say I'm breaking free,
and you put your hands over both your ears,
because you can not stand to believe I'm not,
the perfect girl you thought.

Well what have I got to lose.

What if I'm a weeping willow,
laughing teers upon my pillow?
What if I'm a socialite who wants to be alone?

What if I'm a toothless leopard?
What if I'm a sheep-less shepherd?
What if I'm an angel without wings to take me home?

You don't know me.
You never will, you never will.

I'm outside your picture frame,
and the glass is breaking now.

You won't see me.
You never will, you never will.
No, if you're never going to see.

What if I'm a crowded desert?
Too much pain with little pleasure?
What if I'm the nicest place, you never want to go?

What if I don't know who I am?
Will that keep us both from trying,
to find out? When you have,
be sure to let me know.

What if I'm a snow storm burning?
What if I'm a world un-turning?
What if I'm an ocean far too shallow, much to deep?

What if I'm the kindest demon,
something you may not believe in?
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep?

Now, that said, I think it works equally well to say that as far as I, and many of your sisters online and off are concerned, we love you regardless. Now the big question is how can we help you find this same kind of precious, evolved and unconditional love and acceptance for yourself? How can we help? How can I? Acceptance like that starts within, the rest of the world will find and even greater level of acceptance, and understanding of you when you do. It's amazing how it works, and honestly I won't bore you with all the details of why it does, especially since I don't know them, I just know that it works.

So how would your life be different if you knew and totally accepted yourself at this kind of level? How do you think people would see you then. "What If" you're just a girl, like any number of the roughly 3.something billion of the rest of us on this planet? "What If" your past was behind you and only a memory and the future hadn't happened yet? "What If" you were truly free? Can you sense or feel how your life would be different? "What If" you let go of other peoples problems and did your best to help them grow and move on but didn't take ownership of their issues?

So if you can see, feel, and imagine inside of yourself what life would be life why not live that? After all you only have this instant in time, this moment, this second? Yesterday my friend is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet, so "What If" you live right now? "What if" you live today like there is no tomorrow and just enjoy the now, live the now, and make every second of it as positive, powerful and wonderful as you can imagine? "What If" after living each now like that tomorrow becomes the past and everyone loves you tomorrow as much as they did today and yesterday? "What If" everyone saw you as you are, always, and had only one name for you, Shauna? "What If" they were living in a past you imagined as tomorrow today?

Can you wrap your heart and mind around that, accept it, embrace it, and make it your own? "What if" you did? What If you give yourself a hug from me cause I'm too far away to reach?

1 comment:

Shauna said...

You really made my heart feel a tug. Sam, of course I accepted your hug after all we are friends and sisters.

Can I be happy in the now, hmm I try to be but sometimes my super hero powers need to be recharged so that takes a bit of time.

What would make this girl extremely happy, the one thing everyone complains about, waking up getting dressed and going to work. That one little request will give me so much positive attitude that my smile will be so bright I could light up many cities.

Me letting go of others problems wouldn't be me, I have always gave something to help whether it be money, my shoulder or ear. I don't know if I could really let go and concentrate on myself.

The hardest thing these days is waking and finding myself doing absolutely nothing but sit behind my laptop and play on FB or twitter. Without the funds "girl status" is stalemate.

To let you know I do live the moment, I do enjoy everything around me and I know for damn sure that my depression is the cause for all the questioning.

So yes I will accept myself for who I am, be the person I have sought so hard to achieve and someday I will be in the right frame of mind to relish it.

Thank you for being my Friend Sam and mostly for being special.