Yeah, I know, two posts in one day? What's gotten into her?
So I've been having these series of ongoing dreams based on Charmed. Yeah, I know, it's a TV show Sam, a canceled one at that, but hey I still watch it on DVD now and then. Okay, more than now and then, I go through phases. Oddly enough, Phoebe and I are still in a relationship despite the fact that at the end of the series she and Coop are married and have children of their own.
Anyway, in this dream I was "working out" with Paige. She wanted to hone her skills dealing with demon attacks and the like. So I was pretending to be a demon (much like Leo had pretended to be Balthazar a while back) and throwing energy balls at her. Energy balls?!?!? Me?
And that dear readers is why this blog entry. Something inside me has changed, I known not what right now, but I was throwing "low voltage" energy balls at Paige like it was the most natural thing in the world. This is strange because it's something I'd never really do, in fact for most of my life was utterly terrified of doing anything like it. I won't bore you with a discussion of Quantum Physics and how it might even be possible, or entertain the idea that it's not even possible, because well, someone says it can't be done. Neither of those trains of thought are relevant here. What is however is that I was throwing energy balls, and could have easily increased them in size and power to cause harm and damage. Could have taken them from demonstration to weaponry with nothing more than a thought.
And it didn't even freak me out. It should have, or at least would have once upon a time.
When I was young, I had a recurring nightmares of doing horrific damage and causing pain, intentionally, because I was in a rage and suffering everyone else should. I'd long ago "locked out" any chance of something like that using hypnotherapy. While I've studied more than enough Quantum Physics ( A.K.A. Metaphysics) to know how to do it, it was more in an attempt to define and hone the controls or limits I placed on myself.
That included dreaming. Or it did. Until last night.
Throwing energy balls as easy as breathing. And I shouldn't be. Ever. No matter how hard I tried, I shouldn't be able to do that for any reason.
Then again, now that I think of it, I got angry the other day. Really angry, and managed to work through it without wanting to kill myself, or anyone else. This for me is something new too. Last time I got really angry and let myself feel it, let alone express it, it nearly cost me my life. No that's not being over dramatic trust me. Anyway, that's another story, probably better for my other blog.
The point here is now that I think of it, two amazing things have happened of late, and I'm at a loss to quite fully figure it out. Though now that I think about it, I can't help but think that they are related. Got very angry, the world didn't come to an end, and now she's throwing energy balls in her dreams. Will the wonders never cease?
I'm usually very glad I don't remember my dreams, out of self-preservation or knowing the angst they might cause.
ReplyDeleteThat said, there are times I envy you!
alan
It's not often that I hear that, but it still strikes me as terribly funny and bizarre . . . people envying me anything. To be honest I wish I couldn't remember the nightmares, I could so do without those. But one's like this, well they are so different for me. Dreaming about being in the bay area hanging out with the Charmed ones, that has become so common place in my life now that it's just kind of a given that Phoebe and I are sleeping together. Which is interesting because she doesn't strike me much as a lesbian. Then again it's us Bi-girls that folks can't get a read on, we look like everyone else. Hum, I wonder if that's what makes L&G folk twitchy? "Gaydar" doesn't really work with bi folks? Oh now that's something to explore. Maybe that's the heart of the conundrum?
ReplyDeleteDreams are funny. Last night my knee hurt bad and my girlfriend did reiki to it and I had a vision of a dream I had years ago, and then it bled into another dream and another and soon I could see how like a couple dozen different dreams that happened on different days, were all inter related and I could see them all clearly in my minds eye and all the inner worlds I traveled to. It was a quite amazing for me.... I like your blog!
ReplyDeleteIronically, I like my blog, and when I started just about six years ago I thought it would never last. But I'd benefited enough from other women's experiences and investment in a blog that I thought it only fair to give something back. Not so much to the community, because I still have yet to find that, but to people, souls, floating about the internet looking for something to connect to. And not coincidentally, I've connected with so many people through blogging myself, that I find it all amusing.
ReplyDeleteDreaming, ah there's something I could write a book on I think. Because yes, it's amazing the things one can find in dreams. I too am bemused by the inter-relatedness of d5reamspace, both from one to another, and to waking life. Oh to have had a nickle for every dream that I've had over the years that has, yay or nay, impacted my waking life. T'would be glorious! All that money. And I've not even dreaming all as much as most folks.
I spent several decades where I didn't dream at all, or was just an observer in someone else's . . . dreams/life/whatever? Was a strange way to live, but it's like that lake of yours. I couldn't go into the deeps, so I stayed in the relative safety and obscurity of other places and lives.
Now, dreams that I'm participatory in, well it's kinda cool. Dreams that show me how I've grown and changed, healed?! So much the better!
I like your blog too Zoe, I'll keep an eye upon it. As to the connections and world blogging has brought to my life, well I found you through Lori's blog. She started out as someone who commented on a friends blog, and I followed back to her own, and so on. Now, Lori and I have even spent time on the phone. She's awesome she is! Like so many other folks I've met blogging. It's been quite the experience!