Another friend, has in effect, become a 45 year old Daughter I didn't want to have. Seems to be a theme in my life. After working with her for several years being supportive helping her grow, and giving her enough room to figure out what's going on, she's turned around suddenly, lied to me, and completely disregarded everything we've talked about. She has finally got another friend who lives closer to her, who is not aware of her history and is playing us off each other. She doesn't hesitate to call me up to be down and depressed and have me lend a hand getting her out of the hole, but then competely ignores what we've talked about. I'm kinda past tired of all this.
So I'm going to go on vacation. No more hours on the phone with someone who isn't terribly interested in making progress, but using the time to wallow in her own misery while dragging me there. Nope, not going to do it. Not going to have a days long conversation about taking proper steps forward, about getting help, about turning her life around so that she can go to other friend and convince her that she's right so she can ignore me.
It's fine by me. I have better things, better people I can spend my time and energy on.
So Jan goes on restriction again, and I'm not sure how long it's going to last. She can write me, but we're not going to be doing the phone for a while again. I'm tired of getting dragged into the madness. If she'd rather keep on repeating the same cycles of health issues that she refuses to deal with, fine, tis her choice. But I don't have to be involved in that. I don't have to willingly let myself get dragged into all that. I don't have the energy for it. Life is too short to keep doing the same thing again and again hoping for a different response.
And after the earlier conversation we had about ringtones, I'm setting Jan's to voicemail.
Sorry.
Having been turned on, one way or another, by most of those I've trusted in my years here, I know this is never ever easy! At least you are wise enough to know what's going on and do what's necessary to protect yourself; I am proud of you for doing that!
ReplyDeleteIt takes a long time for some to realize that those who tell us what we want to hear aren't always telling us what we need to hear!
alan
Yeah, it's something I've had to learn the hard way over the years.
ReplyDeleteI can sympathize with Jan, because she and her Mom have an abusive, co-dependent relationship, and have had it their entire life. Her Mother has been jerking her strings for her entire life and has manipulated her into living at home with her.
She can have her problems, and her delusions, but when she manipulates me, lies, and plays to ends against the middle because SHES delusional, I have to draw the line.
Regrettably this is the second time I've had to restrict her phone access, and I fear it may be the final time. She's following a script, a pattern of behavior others have followed with me, so I know how that works. And I don't want to keep getting dragged onto that roller coaster.