Lit from within . . .

So I'm finished in the Ladies room tonight, and washing up and I couldn't help but smile. So many years I saw someone in the mirror I didn't know how to be, and the pain was always there. Mirrors, like cameras I avoided like the mythical Vampire eschews the sun [cause we all know real ones are sensitive, but don't instantly turn to dust right? ;-o) j/k] and doesn't have a reflection.

Now, I see a woman with a past, but who's heart, mind, body and soul are pretty together, or congruent! Such a simple thing that just takes my breath away. I'm not perfect, but I never wanted perfection, just some peace, and a face looking back at me that matched who I am. I see me now, anytime I look, and I actually like who I see. I have this glow, happiness, even a level of peace I never thought possible. I'm told it isn't going to go away anytime soon, and that's just fine by me.

I was also struck be how alien the thought of a men's room was to me. Why you might wonder was I even thinking of the men's room? Well I noticed in the stall in the ladies room that the door lock had a black line on it, and when closed, it pointed to a similar black mark on the door. I didn't remember seeing that in the men's room when I was still using them at this one building, and for a split second I thought "hey, maybe I should stick my head in and look . . ." and it hit me. There was NO WAY I was going into a Men's room!!! Ewwww, gross!!!

I don't know when or how it happened, but now, not only does the Ladies room feel normal, natural and comfortable but the men's room just felt completely alien. Wasn't any concious decision, or even any point I can look back on and say, Ah, ha! Nope, just happened when I wasn't thinking about it or paying any attention.

So, there is this new level of existence I have now that I never had before. I'm so much more comfortable in my own life than I ever was. I have this sense of self, of comfort, that I've never had, never dreamt of having. With it comes this glow I cannot explain, but really don't want to look into, it is just so much easier to revel in it and enjoy my life. This glow, sense of self, of happiness and comfort is not something I can hide, nor do I want wish to for any reason.

That deep down aching empty hole in my soul has been replaced with light, warmth and life! So I'm a woman lit from with in! The lights are on, there is a fire in the hearth and I'm home and it shows.